After the affair, the victim is the survivor. You are the victim of this terribly traumatic experience and the truth is, even though you may have chosen to take your partner back, that doesn't make you less of a victim.
Partners that have cheated and then been taken back still tend to want to push their luck and often know the exact strings to pull to aggravate and upset the marital unit. Especially so when there are children in the midst.
This simply just makes you (the victim) feel bitter, ever so resentful and continually hurt.
When your partner can be seen to be having a good time with another, your heart is breaking to see them doing with that other person the things that they should be doing with you. The victim of the infidelity is alone during this time and it may feel like their whole life has been turned upside down or twisted inside out. This feeling makes it difficult to function in situations where you are meeting mutual friends of yours and your spouses, because gossip among acquaintances will inevitably be in the air and your cheating spouse is probably going to some of the same places with his / her lover that they have been to with you in the past. You will hear rumors that they are doing new things with their lovers that you have always wanted to do with them and this just makes the whole experience even harder to bear.
It is important to understand that most affairs are usually short lived and before long your spouse is going to come grovelling back to you. Maybe they already have! Are you going to bite the bullet and take them back? It is a likely scenario and that is going to create a whole new set of questions and rules that will need to be asked and implemented in order for your marriage to be recovered.
There is help available for victims of affairs and many resources and guides are available that can guide your marriage down the after the affair garden path and back to health again. Don't be defeated by your cheating spouse, get them back and be happy!